Dated 30-March-2005

My emails smiled at me stupidly. They’ve been sitting in my in-box for a week and I’ve been ignoring them. They have yet to go away. Maybe tomorrow I’ll answer them. I feel a little guilty about not dropping at least a little line to the writers of these missives. But with a few clicks there’s a new world and the guilt disappears almost as fast as my monitor changes images.

I dive into myself trying to hide as the phone rings. Once, twice, three times; I let it ring. On the fourth ring, I turn the speakers on my PC down and listen to the answering machine.

Coming through the machine tinny 2″ speaker is my friend Laura’s voice. This is surprisingly one of the calls I want to take. I generally regard phones as evil and avoid using them when I can.

I grab the receiver off my desk, hitting the eerie green button. “Hey babe!”

“Hey, Petey, how’s it going?”

“Uhh, pretty good. I’m just sitting here cruising the net; you?”

“Just finished some yoga and thought of you…” From here the conversation is pretty much about nothing. I try to do things while on the phone, but it’s all pretty useless. I’m retarded when it comes to telephones. If I try to do anything else; I lose all trace of the conversation. I end up lying on my bed staring up at the ceiling fan.

I miss Laura a lot. She was my best friend and still is even over all the distance. We had such similar styles and tastes without being anything alike: Shakespeare and pizza, Kevin Smith and Bordeaux, beer and chain smoking until last call. COCK-PORN. Which really isn’t porn, but a super-spoonerism of POP-CORN I accidentally said before we saw a movie once. A Kevin Smith film actually, Dogma. I remember the Platypus Line.

Laura and I also shared a love of books, writing and long boring marathons of British Television: “I, Claudius” and “A History of England”. I’m glad Laura’s and my genders are romantically non-functional, with us both liking penises, because we probably would have tried dating, and I’d have hated that to fuck up our friendship.

Laura and I have been through a lot together. Like when she quit her job and was depressed and I started spending money like a congressman with a budget, bad relationships, good relationships and common friendships.

Then I moved to Texas for love and money. Both, for the most part, are working out. I am still in love and that’s going better than any relationship I’ve ever had. I’m still living paycheck to paycheck though. But now there’s a mortgage and a feasible end to my other debt. Its a good feeling.

Laura is about the only thing I really miss about moving; her and my other friends. Everything else was really just memories, history and perceptions; all illusions in the whole Buddhist scheme of things.

“Well, Petey, it’s getting late up here, I should turn in.”

“Same here. I have things to do before I turn in. Night babe.”

“Night Petey, talk to you later, Pets the dogs and kiss Thieu for me.”

As I hang up the phone, a feeling on loneliness comes over me. I miss Laura. I walk into the living room ands see Otis in the hall. His big golden eyes stare up at me from his big lab face. “Hey Otis.” and his tail thumps into the wall. I bend down and pet his chocolate coat. The fur is soft and warm under my fingers, like the feeling of a favorite stuffed animal from my youth.

In the living room, Oscar is sleeping on the sofa. He looks up at me as I walk to the couch. “Hey Squirt”. His little rotti nub wags a mile-a-minute. I sit on the sofa next to him and lie down, using him as a pillow. I feel his nubbin rub against my shoulder as I pet his course black coat.

From the other room, I hear T shout. He’s watching some sporting event. I get up from the sofa and walk into the library. Thieu sits on the futon grabbing the green sheet we use as a cover. I guess something exciting is happening. I stand next to him and gently scratch the back of his head. Trying not to disturb his game too much. when the next commercial comes on i lean down and kiss him. “Night honey”.

He looks surprised “you’re going to bed already? What time is it?”

“It’s only 9:30, I’m just tired.”

“O-Kay. I’ll be in after the game.” I lean down and kiss him again as the commercials ends and he turns back to the game. “Night…”

I go back to the bedroom and crawl into the sheets. Thoughts of Laura fill my head, and the dogs and T. I’m filled with sweet sadness as I miss Laura and love my new life. Sleep creeps up on me and steals my thoughts as I drift off.