Dated 1-March-2005

Published in “Shambhala Sun” magazine

https://www.lionsroar.com/forum-essays-4

“Right livelihood” is a phrase that I find to be not very well defined. Like much of Buddhist phrases, I feel it is left intentionally vague to allow the practitioner to develop their own thoughts on what is and is not right livelihood. Of course, there are basic guidelines to help guide the practitioner in his thoughts. This vagueness of definition also allows the practitioner to change their mind definition as their practice matures.

I chose my career right out of college, thirteen years ago, long before I ever paid any serious attention to the dharma. With what I have learned of the Buddha’s teachings, I do not consider my career to be right livelihood. I’m an engineer and design equipment that uses huge quantities of oil and gas; both as raw material and fuel. This equipment contributes to pollution and the problem of dwindling natural resources.

Working in the engineering world, I am required to make certain sacrifices for the purpose of my career. In addition to ignoring my part in furthering our planet’s deterioration, I also feel the need to disavow my relationship with my partner. He is referred to as my “roommate” or as “a friend”. In my first position, I tried to integrate being a gay man with being an engineer. This attempt did not end well. My co-workers no longer wished to work with my and my position with the company stagnated until I felt I needed to leave my position. I have not referred to anyone I was involved with truthfully since this; breaking the precept of being truthful.

There is an underlying feeling of futility to my practice. This is partially due to my career being at odds with what I see as the Dharma and right livelihood. Lately, my company has been in the news in relation to the Middle East. With charges of profiteering and their aiding a military action I do not agree with, I feel I am working for the enemy of the dharma.

No; I do not feel my job is right livelihood. My career causes an underlying feeling of pointlessness to my practice. What sense is there in trying to practice right livelihood when I spend most of my time at, and support myself with something I consider to be contrary to right livelihood. But, how does one pay the bills and meet other financial obligations when one leaves a well-paying, yet Dharma-less career? I’m sure there is a solution to this koan, but I have not yet experienced career satori and have no answers.