I was just listening to a podcast and a caller question got my attention. Basically, the caller wanted to know how to help his partner get over the grief of losing his father. The podcast host was kinder in his answer than the one that popped into my head, which is: You can’t.
You can’t fix anyone else. It’s impossibleossible. Grief, emotional damage, trauma, etc.: these cannot be fixed by other people. Emotional pain can only be healed by the person suffering it; if they refuse to do the work there will be no healing.
What you can do for others is provide them the support and provide an environment they need. In order to process the pain, they will need to ability to freely feel whatever comes up. The ability to talk about what they are feeling is essential. They will need to be able to go through this with no judgement.
Everyone has their own timing on how, when and where to feel and work through their pain. When and where are not entirely in their control. They will need your support whenever and wherever these emotions come up. It is not always going to be convenient.
Don’t try to fix or get your loved ones over it. That’s frustrating and unhelpful. It may even add to or prolong what they’re going through. Just be there for them in whatever capacity they need (within reason). Your support is what you part in this is.