Ignore This Post

buddha see no evilI saw a therapist today for the first time in about a decade.  It’s the same old complaints:  anxiety, self-deprecation, insecurity.  This is the first time I got homework on day one, though.  My assignment is:

Goals 5-15-18
1.  Workout 3x/wk
2.  Decrease Facebook use to < 60 min/day
3.  Decrease Caffeine

Number One is something I know is good for me and have been meaning to get back to anyway.  I have been finding it hard to work up the motivation to GO.  Working out seems a bit like a chore.  It’s so much easier to just go home and watch TV.  The new therapist recommended working out to improve mood and self-esteem, both of which I know are true, but still, chore.

Number three is completely doable.  I managed to quit caffeine for a month in March and mostly for the same reasons that my new therapist listed:  help with sleep, lower anxiety.

I relapsed back into coffee on a business trip late last month.  Early flights, long layovers, seemingly eternal travel times and more made it a bad trip.  I needed something to keep my eyes open for safety courses and meetings.  I haven’t tried to kick it again since but now it’s homework.  Homework I know I can do.  Funny though, when she mentioned it all I could think of was getting a huge coffee on the way back from my appointment.  One for the road as it were.

Then there is number two, the hardest one to be honest.  I am always on my phone looking at Facebook and Instagram; always couch as “keeping in-touch with friends”.  It’s an easy excuse to rationalize given that I have friends from Hawaii to London; Canada to South Florida.  All in all, it’s just an excuse.  To help keep to my assignment I have again deleted both Facebook and Instagram from my phone.  I can use them at home on my computer or on my iPad.  I have also removed the Facebook Messenger app.

I mentioned in the session that Facebook tends to fill me with FOMO.  Also, checking in on my friends all day long tends to make me miss them more than helping me feel connected.  Maybe cutting it back to an activity opposed to a reflex will help.  I might be able to keep mu mind in the right place.

There are reasons I am going to see the therapist, things that are itching at my anxiety.  The therapist said we’re not even going to deal with those things yet.  She wants to work on my self-esteem and insecurity before we deal with anything that they may be aggravating.  They are the base cause for a lot of my anxiety, so it makes sense to me.

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